Surreal: Having an oddly dreamlike quality.

Surreal: Having an oddly dreamlike quality; that is what the past few days have been like.

6 and 1/2 years ago I married my husband and after about 6 months we decided to stop preventing pregnancy.  Trying not to get our hopes up and silently anticipating a quick conception I faithfully tested every month and especially before family gatherings, hoping and praying for a positive test.  After 6 months of negative tests and disappointment I went to the doctor to get checked out.  I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome).  Some of the factors that attribute to that diagnosis is small cysts on the ovaries that prevents ovulation (one of the only markings I did not have thank the Lord!), abnormal hormone levels preventing ovulation, abnormal hair growth on face (due to the hormones), infertility.  I also had a test to check to see if my fallopian tubes were blocked, which one of them was.  At that time we decided to try fertility medication to no avail, and after a few rounds I really felt that when we had kids I wanted it to be because the Lord gave them to us. 

So, we waited and prayed, all the while watching what seemed like everyone around us conceive and start/grow their families whether they were trying or not.  I felt pain during that time that I never knew the heart could feel.  But all through, God was faithful.  The Bible says that through Jesus we have peace that surpasses all understanding and I found that to be true.  In the darkest of times, my husband and best friend were so supportive.  Sometimes it hurt too badly to even talk to my husband about it but looking in his eyes I knew he was feeling the same pain that I was.  Always when I needed to hear it, Tara (my best friend), would give words of encouragement that really helped me hold the faith that we serve a mighty God, who is faithful and loves us very much.  She will never know how much that means to me because words just can't express it! 

Year after year, holding to the promise that God gives us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4-5).  I would have to say that the past year or 2 have definitely been easier and Jamie and I have grown closer through it, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy lol!!  Through it I am thankful for the strength that has been built in me, for the faith that has grown in me, for the purification that tribulation and struggle brings, and for the testimony and encouragement that I'll be able to share with others.